959. - Chris & Jason

[00:00] All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week. Jason, does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. [00:30] YouTube. How long gone? I'm ready if you are Chris Black. It's the worst day of the year in New York if you live downtown. [00:55] Chris, don't say that about Juneteenth. I think it's a pretty good holiday. I would never say that. I'm in the... [01:02] This morning, I had to... You're in the splash zone, brother, man. [01:06] I had to reroute myself on the way to the gym because of the crowds for the Knicks. And I just want to say that if you were a grown adult... [01:14] that takes the day off of work to go to a parade, you need to have some things checked out. Honestly, it's really like five guys in a Honda Civic that drove in from Long Island that took the day off and are drinking at 7 a.m. and smoking weed wearing a jersey. It's really the darkest shit I've ever seen. Is there a parade where it's like, unless the parade is like, we won World War III or, you know. No. No parade unless you. AIDS is eradicated.

[01:44] No, there's no parade at all. No parade. What's the point of the parade? All the parade does is inconvenience the residents of the place and brings in bridge and tunnelers to day drink at eight in the morning. Like what else? Like literally like the celebration was Saturday night when they won. [02:00] Let's be real. They won on a Saturday night, and you guys were all out till the sun rose doing fucking ketamine. That's enough. We spent all week cleaning up all the piss and vomit in the streets, and now we're going to undo all of that work. I think maybe if you have a kid that really wants to go, but even then, you should teach them young that parades are stupid. Maybe. What if there was like, we were talking about how Mayor Eric Adams, rest in peace, the best thing he did for the city was the congestion process. [02:30] What if they do parade congestion pricing where at the bridge, they check your papers, Secret Service style. And if you're not from the city, Manhattan, we're going to tax you. $37.99, the cost of a Mitchell and Ness snapback. I think that's, yeah, exactly. We're going to go to Modell's and price out the snapbacks and base the pricing on snapbacks. No, I mean, it's honestly, it really is just like, all right, this fucks everybody's day up. People are just wasted. [03:00] terrible. I don't really know. Like, what do you, what do you, I just really, I honestly, I really don't understand. I'm not trying to be an asshole. Have you ever been to a, have you ever been to a parade that you enjoyed even as a child, you know, 4th of July, a little mini goat ride or something like that. And you ever ride a goat? I don't remember ever going to a parade real talk. And maybe that's just because I was raised right. And my parents also don't like crowds and idiots, but I don't know that to be true, but I just, do you like watching Macy's Thanksgiving day

[03:30] everyone home no disgusting loser shit watching a per watching a parade on tv is the only the bigger loot that's the only thing that tops going as loser shit like literally think about this i like to watch the rose bowl parade on new year's morning little hangover creeping in hot cup of joe in the hand there's just always something better to do like i just don't i guess parades are often parades are often celebrating things that i'm not concerning myself with you know what [04:00] it's like do you really want to see jalen brunson crossfaded from a mile away like what is that doing for you like you know what i mean like what is that doing for you actually like what are you gaining from this experience because this to me going to a parade is just waiting in line rebranded it's the same shit you're literally in a pin they're calling them pins of where you're allowed to stand like pigs like animals and you you are allowed to stand there you're on trough 12 [04:30] drunk off the fucking Chris at 8 a.m. That's what's happening. They're not even playing a sport. You're not even seeing them do what they're good at. It's crazy. You're just seeing them wave with some ski goggles on. Yeah, they're waving with ski goggles on. They had to, you know, they're up all night at their jump-offs house. They don't want to be there either. Yeah, there is something odd. I mean, it is very zone of interest, the way that we're, you know, shuttling these large herds of people in, not just for the parades, [05:00] But, you know, for the music festivals, and when we were just looking at a clip this morning about O-Rod, Olivia Rodrigo, I don't remember who coined that, but that is nice. Mitch Ryan called her O-Rod last night, and it's a very, very cool way to say it. To hear that in Manhattan, in A-Rod's New York, it was dazzling. Shout out to Mitch.

[05:30] year and they're going to sit through 11 hours of black midi and you know group love and whatever it is to get to the headliner i said i pissed myself watching group love and then finally o-rod came on it was the best thing that's ever happened to me you got all these 14 year old people wearing cat ears on their heads and they gotta they gotta sit through freaking tortoise um but [05:57] We've talked about it before, how do those people do it? They must be wearing diapers. And she said, it's become an issue that I'm on stage. And the stage and the crowd at a major music festival can often be... [06:12] 50 feet away. It's not, you're not right there, you know, turnstile at... [06:17] chain reaction. You can be very far away at some of these. And she said she can straight up smell people's pissy diapers in the crowd. And that is a full problem. And I'm sure a lot of these New Yorkers, do you think there's like academics looking guys? Yes, I saw them. But I mean, do you think- They've got diapers under the Amiri's. They got diapers under the Amiri's. You can see the diapers through the Amiri's. It's a little, it's lumpy back there. [06:47] way and are they are they lacing up diapers for the first time in their life i don't think so i think a real new yorker i think they'll piss on the street i think they'll piss yeah if you got a if you got the blue and orange bandana wrapped around the bottle of cavassier you are you're pulling your dick out and pissing anywhere on the street you're not going to do no diaper shit i can't stress enough also that it was like i was walking to the gym at 7 30 in the morning like this is early this is not you know what i mean this is early in the morning they were partying

[07:17] walking down and turning up, you know, two in the morning, three in the morning. Everybody needs to get a life. Like what? I mean, these people have jobs, children, taxes. Ball is life. Ball is life, but this isn't ball. That's what I'm trying to say. It's like if you're going to, this isn't ball. This is a parade. That's the whole, that's my issue with it. It's not, if it was a game, if it's a game, it makes sense. Like everybody getting together on Saturday night to watch the game. That makes sense. That's the whole point. Yeah. Is that seeing them win is the victory. Yeah. Not a parade. [07:47] world cup feels they're getting fucking they're getting crowd mogged by you know a parade for a tournament that happened last week that is you know a tenth of the size of of the world cup and football you know if i'm if i'm the the the fullback on bosnia and herzegovina i'm i'm i'm feeling some type of way it was it was um it's well luckily jason um plenty of those world cup [08:17] sunburnt white people from European countries with jerseys, backpacks, you know, sweat-wicking shorts going to line up for a Leon's bagel. And they are... [08:28] They are now Knicks. They're Knicks fans. They're just like, fuck it. We're going down there too. I saw hundreds of them. The Switzerland flag gets removed from the shoulders. And then we don the bing bong flag that we bought at a bodega. The worst is like the West Village girls, full face of makeup, matching outfits, matcha lattes. Like we're going down here to meet a man vibe. And that is the most. There's a lot of that. There's a lot of that as well.

[08:58] the blue... [08:59] an orange brassiere as the as the young ho nick accessory i wonder who's who's making that that doesn't feel like something you're getting at the cuckoo intimates pop-up or at you know at fleur de mall that feels a little more victoria's secret 1999 type shit it's the it's the new york annex of dolls kill or something like that where are these hoes getting this yeah yeah yeah and and and truly ugly orange orange orange and and blue are it's just a bad color combo i know it's a [09:29] athletic combo that's been used since the dawn of time, but I just can't. I mean, most sports colors besides – I mean, I think of – [09:38] I guess college sports feel better to me, but maybe that's just a weird bias. You can get a little more experimental with their palettes. Well, it's just like a Harvard, a crimson red with a gray. You know what I mean? A Dartmouth green with white. It's just a little more easy. It's easier to swallow. You're going to get some gray in the mix. Okay, I feel you. You know what I mean? Lakers color is just as bad. Sorry, big bro. Yeah, I ain't going to hold you on that one. You're not a gold guy. You're not a big gold guy. Not a big gold guy. Yeah. [10:08] for the ring that's about all i got except for the don't no you got your dim mac chain tuck don't do that bro or is that all diamonds that's platy bro come on oh i'm sorry i'm sorry it's a different i'm sorry i'm sorry it was a different time i apologize it's some platinum most the inside was mostly wood when the guy chopped it in half to melt it down when i went to melt it down he was he was unfortunately he had to tell me it was balsa wood and i wondered why it was so light and he kind of was like yeah those aren't diamonds that's just balsa wood usually when they put the

[10:38] They find something that's heavier than, but no, you shouldn't have gone balsa. You shouldn't have gone balsa. It's a little light. Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah, that Olivia Rodrigo clip of her talking about the pissy diapers and her being able to smell it is really something that I hope circulates in a major way because it's pretty unbelievable. That's an unbelievable crucifixion of Stan culture and where we're at. That is truly unbelievable. [11:08] their album because you care about them and you think it sucks on Twitter is bad enough. But the fact that you literally are wearing a diaper because you can't miss a second of your absolute fave is some brain damage we haven't experienced before as a culture. Yeah. And what is it? Because I don't even know. When we were younger and we would go to shows and you would kind of rush to the front sometimes, depending on how drunk you are or how big of a fan of the band you are or whatever, you [11:38] I feel like the desire to go to the front of the stage nowadays has nothing to do with being able to enjoy the music more. It's more so like a way to compete with the fellow stand members on the Discord chat and the social media marketplace of these stand groups. [12:08] your community but instead it's just like infighting and like I was in row two and you were in row seven you fucking dumb fat bitch. Yeah she touched me during the encore. I mean I think it is. My selfie

[12:22] Me filming myself on my dad's iPad was closer than you, so I am better than you. Just to be clear. You should probably kill yourself. I would also say that actually traditionally growing up going to hardcore shows, the deal was you were asked to move up. That was actually what more, you know, like let's move up. There's a little too much space here in the front. You know, when portraits opening with a violin, you know, before the guitars kick in, we need to have everybody up front. [12:52] Up front, that's prime real estate. You can't do anything about that. Yeah, but that was when the crowd was sort of an ever-flowing ecosystem, like the oceans, where you go to the front, and once you're there, if you don't do something... [13:04] you gotta go like kind of like the yeah yeah if you don't have a plan for the front of the stage at dillinger escape plan they'll make a plan for you kind of thing yeah if you're not a guy with barrettes in their hair playing drums on their chest with their hands you kind of got to get out of there so yeah like you if you go to the front then you either have to like know that someone's going to walk on top of your head and kick you in the neck or you're going to have to jump you're going to have to stage dive you're going to have to do something and and now it's

[13:34] park it and do nothing. We're parking it. We're parking it. I mean, stupid. Stupid. There was also some big news yesterday coming out of the Rosalia show. Rosalia. [13:48] This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian, Stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's trying to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world. And I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions. A lot of questions, but how often? Because we do this podcast three times a week and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do? Three times a week. And I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points [14:18] stuff than we do that's just a guess the guardian is not some billionaire owned platform they're not afraid to say what they want to say brother yeah rupert ain't sniffing around in in what uh journalists kai wright and carter sherman are up to over there at uh stateside but yeah listen wherever you get your podcast you can watch on youtube it's three times a week and and who couldn't use more news you know especially especially when it's when it's not [14:43] you know, from here, let's say. Give it a listen. Give it a listen. [14:48] get out your fucking wallet it's time to talk about rocket money baby i'm trying to save some money i was talking to a friend of the show bren walner yesterday and she was she was saying if you if you look at your subscriptions you could be living like me that's what she was saying she's saying if you use rocket money to find out which subscriptions you were uh paying for without your knowledge um then maybe you could be in you know in switzerland like me you could be in geneva you could be f1 yeah it does make sense i think it really boils down to you know everyone knows it

[15:18] clean all the clothes out of their closet, sell them, and then take that money and buy a dream vacation or a trip to Geneva or a new Rolex. But you just don't do it. You don't have the time. It's too much work. Luckily, nowadays, places like Rocket Money do it all for you. They're happy to do it for you. So then all that money that you're saving, we can turn that into truly whatever it is that you want. Just make sure that you're not just taking all that money and resubscribing to the same services that you didn't use before. Okay. I've never done anything like [15:48] personal finance app that helps find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at rocketmoney.com slash how long. That's rocketmoney.com slash how long. One more time, rocketmoney.com slash how long. [16:06] you [16:07] A friend of the program, Maggie Rogers, so Rosalia, like every other pop star, has a shtick where she brings up another celebrity and they do something together. You know, much like the famous Sally from Role Model or the Sabrina Carpenter did it. Obviously, the Apple dance that Charlie did. You have to do it. [16:37] and saying something, blah, blah, blah. And Maggie told a story about going on a date with a sort of a journalist fuckboy who had a vintage car and worked at the New York Times newspaper. And the people were able to whittle that down to the two people pretty quickly.

[16:57] It was, so it was something that was... I don't think Nate Pemberton has a car. I mean, John Carmonica, he's got an old school, but I don't know if I'd call it vintage. [17:07] Yeah, that car is more just old. I don't know if it's vintage, technically. So they found this guy, a guy who works on the travel desk. I've never met him. And apparently, there was a photo of him on his Instagram. He has hair that looks like a wig, but that's a different, you know, beautiful head of hair. A little too beautiful. The Uribe is working. And he... [17:29] He there's a picture of him kind of leaning out the window, you know, advertisement style of this of his vintage car that had been, I guess, has been deleted from his IG profile since this broke. And everybody knows who this guy is. He works on the at the at the newspaper still. And I'm hearing rumors that he might because I guess in Maggie's retelling, he like brought her into the office late night or something of that nature. [17:59] that there's going to be punishment. He said, I can give you the house tour. He said, yeah, he said, why don't you come back to mine? And mine was an office. And, uh, and I guess, I guess he could be receiving a punishment. I don't, you know, this is all hearsay. This is, this is all things I'm hearing in group chats and, and, you know, uh, New York media landscape. You know, I'm sure Emily Sundberg has more data than we do, but it's an interesting. So his boss is going to say, look, look, Jack. Yeah. [18:25] You don't bring pussy to the travel desk, okay? Rule number one of the times. Rule number one. Yeah, rule number one of the times is. Don't bring a little jump off. Don't bring a little piece to the office. No, you can bring them for lunch during the day. You know what I mean? But you can't come through and scan in on some. I'm working on the war stuff. Scan in. Late night. I got to use your badge. Talking about you want to go check out some microfiche with me? Yeah, real talk. No, there's no merch store, but the desks are super nice.

[18:55] like the hot guy teaches the girl how to play pool and gets behind her but he's that he's on there with yeah at the mic no no the microfiche you got to turn this and that'll zoom in no this is this no it's actually no this is a this is early this is 1940s you want to check out some old abby hoffman yeah i can get that pulled up it's really good it's kind of the perfect crime like she did him dirty but it's so funny and i know that a guy if that guy is single he is psyched [19:25] has a fiance. It was a tough day for him yesterday. So the issue was she was complaining that at the time [19:32] he was in a relationship already but he was trying to poke on maggie i don't know if i and that was the issue i i believe i believe that is what qualifies him in this instance as a fuck boy i believe again i'm not i'm you know i don't have any hard date i haven't talked to either party do you think that there's a chance that maggie already knew what time it was all of this and she got nervous in the confessional booth and kind of spat this out and now is you know looking back [20:02] before you go up in front of like 17,000 people to tell a little story, especially when you're somebody that goes up in stage in front of that many people all the time yourself, I think you're pretty, you're pretty gun sure up there. I think maybe, you know, they put us up there, we're, we're stumbling, we're bumbling. But I think if you put somebody that's done this for the last 10 years, they're kind of locked and loaded. That's my guess. But it's a, it's been a great sort of, it's been great, really funny, kind of harmless. I mean, you know, it's like a pretty great, like, yeah, it is. It is great.

[20:32] - I mean, [20:33] Other than outing this guy as a potential cheater, which could be scathing for his future, just as a man about town. But, you know, is that better or worse than being outed as... [20:48] You know, maybe somebody with an STD publicly. [20:52] Thank you. [20:53] Worse. [20:53] cheating worse than SCD I think in this case worse this is a big stage [21:00] Like I'm reading about this. This is on the cover. This is on the front page of the Daily Mail. Right. Like it's that. It's like it's not. This is the first time Maggie Rogers got some press in a good minute. No shade to you, sis. No, no. She don't. Well, the problem is nobody wants to be in the Daily Mail. That's not where you want to be because that's getting into it. You either did some fuck shit or you died. There's nothing good. [21:30] car so she wouldn't go fuck Harry Styles. So it's, it's not, we're not dealing with the, you know, we're not dealing, this isn't, this isn't, uh, this isn't, you know, super serious stuff, but I got it, man. I got to sit fucking dude going on. Call her daddy, man. [21:46] It's diabolical. [21:47] Like Sudeikis, just Sudeikis getting killed. You know what I mean? And like this guy, he seems like a nice guy. You know what I mean? He's probably paying for the kids' private school. Olivia Wilde comes for money. Olivia Wilde's very successful, beautiful, rich. It's just like. And evil. I don't know, man. Like we ain't got to do Sudeikis like that. And we'll make fun of Sudeikis, obviously, because he's on that show. And that's our job. Because he's Ted Lasso and he dresses like that. That's our job.

[22:17] you know what I mean like he seems he seems like a pretty genuinely like he has ill intentions he seems like a solid dependable person obviously you know we keep using the word seems because we don't know and you know but imagine imagine actors are all fucked up in some way Jason you and your chick are going through it and and she's like I'm going you you know she's going to see her new man her new man is Harry Styles what the fuck I lay down I'll pop the tires I can afford to [22:47] like you can't like my wife is good luck getting over there with no oil in the fucking my legal wife leaving our marital home to go get poked on by harold stylish that's what do you know what that does to a man even a catalytic converter in the g-wagon at that point no i'm just gonna light it on fire i'm going i'm going fucking ditty mode on kid cuddy like we're blowing this shit up treat the whole like cuddy i'm just saying i'm just saying like that is like it as a man any man would be like you obviously you want to be like yo bro that's crazy like you know blah blah but [23:17] is you're like, dog, that ain't that crazy. What would that do to a man? Your chick is leaving your marital home to go fuck the hottest guy in the world, and he's 10 years younger? Yeah. [23:28] It's tough, bro. Yeah, I mean, I guess the first thing I'm doing is calling the lawyer and saying, you know, what are we going to get out of this hub? I think the thing is— [23:39] Like you attack her emotionally, physically, whatever. Or you do something bitch ass, like lay down in front of the G-Wagon so she can't go. I hope it wasn't the Tesla. I hope it wasn't the Tesla because she would have ran over him. Nobody would have heard it coming. So I hope it was something with gas. The detection system, especially back then, their auto drive detection system. It's not good at all. Treat them like a speed bump. Not where it was. But I do, I think that. Hopefully it was the Model Y. I think in this situation, though, he's so rich.

[24:09] family money and she's very successful too i think he's still gonna out i think he's out earned her in their relationship just based on what i know about their careers i would assume and i'm sure if she's got the real family bread she's got him locked down on the on the prenup yeah that's true so it's like i think all you can do is take the l or you know go go west wilson mode hit a fucking you know hit a bar in chelsea and see which 25 year olds looking to fucking rock with rock with [24:39] And also, what if Sudeikis wrote his own version of what's the book about... [24:45] that everyone wrote. Oh, Bell Bird and the Strangers? Yeah, what if you go Strangers mode and just... [24:51] You know, all of it. Lay it all out there. Of course, it's gonna be very embarrassing for him. He's gonna be, you know, cuck of the year award. Not worth it. Not worth it for him. Not worth it for him. He's gonna give it to him, but then everyone will be like... [25:02] Olivia Wilde blacklists the bitch. No, no, no. All you can do if you're him is move on. I think he actually, I rarely want someone to take the high road. I think he did, and I think it has worked. I think it has actually worked in his favor. Who knows that God got him? God got him. I mean, look, he's not helping himself with those outfits. You know what I'm saying? He's not helping himself with those outfits. But, I mean, he's not on, look, he's not on, like, IG Live with his new chick doing airplane food into his mouth. [25:32] do you know what i mean like he's he's probably just he's still spending hangover money he's all good he's good he's been even touched the lasso he's in hang he's spending hangover money he you know he he looks pretty good he's i'm sure he's doing just fine you know what i mean he's doing just fine i'm sure they're in a i'm sure and she said that they're in a you know in a good place but i was just like damn this is like call her daddy's just diabolical man it's just like it's it's you hate to see it yeah we i do hate to see it which is why i don't watch it well it's not

[26:02] unavoidable in situations like this if you're online. It's actually pretty crazy. Obviously, my algorithm is dialed into it, but you know what I mean. You're seeing a lot more... [26:11] unwell content than I am, you think so? I am. I am. [26:17] Well, another career has been ruined and rehabilitated [26:22] by call her daddy they don't talk about daddy stuff at all anymore do they uh i don't believe so unless they're talking about her actual father um i guess speaking of daddy i was thinking of something a couple days ago about how you know like the the daddy the zaddy everyone wants to date an older guy you know like the new the new thing to do is date like a 50 year old rich guy [26:52] to be a move where the fellas... [26:55] Know this. [26:57] and they start to intentionally dye their hair to make it more gray instead of less. Do you think we're going to see some false... [27:06] you know salt and pepper going into some of these you know 32 year olds who are a little you know maybe 10 years before the curve and they're going to start picking some off with a little gray that's that's not impossible because men are now allowed to be extremely vain and sort of that that would be part of the equality but i would say men dyeing their hair as much as they like to buy

[27:36] and wear like little jewelry. I think spending three hours at the salon getting your hair dyed, [27:42] uh is is maybe a bridge too far for most i think they're gonna have some at-home kits or something like that you know because you just want to get the little salt and pepper sides or something like that you don't reach out a little bit at home kit and hit it with the gray toner it's a two-step process i i don't think that i think that the thing is is that men are lazy and i don't know if they'll go that far what about a gray peptide then i don't know if they're their technology [28:12] peptides that can make your hair grow thicker and better it doesn't seem that [28:18] out of the question to make your hair lose the pigment and just a little bit of gray i don't bro i think i think that if this if this was possible i think they would have been this for women 20 years ago i mean do you think women no woman wants to spend six hours in the chair going blonde but they do it once every two months i i think they you're right if they were going to do this when they'd be somebody be very rich because women would have snapped this shit up they would have absolutely been on this early days well you know i guess they call them chinese peptides not [28:48] that's a good point well I'm not saying blonde is obviously what comes to my mind first but you know we could go brunette I mean that's true that's I mean [28:55] In terms of money and hours spent at the salon, I feel like that's going to be, you know, the family feud. Number one, ding, ding, ding is going blonde, right? I was thinking about this. We got to get on family feud, bro. I love it. Every time I see clips, I'm like, we got to be on family feud. Like us versus... Just the two of us? No, we could get two other people and then it's like us versus Smartless or something. You know what I mean? Or us versus somebody more in our league. I just think it would be a fun... I don't know who it would be. You know what I mean? We would wipe the floor with Giggly Squad.

[29:25] wipe the floor giggly squad unfortunately i think we'd lose to pop cast i just think they have some institutional knowledge that we're not really uh capable of that's true no we would we would lose to them and proudly yeah we deserve that l i don't know i just want to i just think you know i think we should do it or maybe we should start our own sort of low-key indie jeopardy you know to compete with steve harvey because we're not gonna you know we're not gonna do like jaw rule verse fucking you know like master p you know we have to do our own so you say you want to start you want to do [29:55] for white people exactly if we did did if we did if we did you know like oh do you know how big indie rock jeopardy would kill that would it would crush you got fucking where at a brewery in denver no on fucking youtube bro i'm saying like this you could you could make it look just like family feud call it something else boom you're good bro are you kidding me okay so we got um who arcade fire who you playing for this week you know fleet fox is over there let's play the feud yeah or or i [30:25] Like, it could be Addison Rae and her backup dancers versus Olivia Rodrigo and her band. Do you know what I mean? Or whatever. Like, it could get into all musical, but music only. And I think that, like, if you start off, like, imagine a Bright Eyes family feud, you know? Bright Eyes versus The Strokes family feud. That's blowing the doors off YouTube. Fuck Subway takes. Yeah, Bright Eyes versus The Strokes family feud.

[30:55] was $19.00. [30:57] I'd make a night of it. I think I'm saying what we could do is, and what we could do to make it really interesting, cash prize on the spot. [31:05] Everybody gets $1,000 in hundreds. Each team member. No donations. $1,000? Each person gets $1,000. So you got four on a team. The winning team gets $4,000 in cash. No donations. No donations. No charities. Bright Eyes Cellist is like, oh, hell yeah. You just made my fucking quarter, dog. And you can drink. You can drink and do drugs. It's like the performance-enhanced games. If you need to do a couple bumps to get out there, [31:35] the peanut characters or whatever, we can get you a bag. Diapers are allowed. Ariel Pink show up in the diaper. No one's going to bat an eye. But that's what I'm saying. Ariel Pink and John Mouse versus Adam Friedland and Stavi. This would print money, bro, because it's hard to be good at. Even if you tailor the questions. No, I want John Mouse, Ariel Pink versus Japanese breakfast. Oh, actually, yeah, you're right. Mitski and Japanese breakfast [32:05] vice squad yeah it's the fucking heroin needle versus the bento box let's play the few i just think we could host it but you gotta practice your steve harvey looks because i can't do it all okay i'm able to hit the microphone against my knee in in bewilderment but you're gonna have to practice your turn you have to know where your marks are know which camera you gotta that's fine okay could you do could you do could you do a little steve like you

[32:35] studied the scrolls of the Kangs of comedy. I know you have. I was born in the fire of the Kings of Comedy. I'm able to swim in the waters of Steve Harvey, Cedric the Entertainer. I don't like to dip into the DL Hewley waters, but I will. But yeah, I can do Steve. And also as a tall man, suits can fit me a little Steve-like. Also, Steve, when he's wearing those suits, he kind of has a little... [33:04] Hassan Piker body. The way the garments drape off of both of their bodies has some through lines. They're different pockets, same pair of pants. I don't look at men's bodies like that, but I believe you. But what is the biggest lie you've ever said on this show? [33:22] Got him? I'm saying, can you do a Steve? I'm saying, can you do the little voice? Could you do a couple bars vocally? [33:34] you [33:34] Jason, I've heard you blame being bloated on so many things over the years, whether you were blaming it on getting older or... [33:42] being busy, [33:43] that fucking taco truck you stopped at on the way home from the club i'm sick of this and i don't want to talk about it anymore i think you need to get a clear answer and that's where tiny health comes in okay that's fine that's fine i mean you know as we get older the body can't really handle what you've been doing to it in your younger days and you know that gut microbiome basically affects everything going on in your body whatever's going on in there it controls you know your immune system

[34:13] there. And that's why I plan to take tiny health, the at home gut health test to give me detailed breakdowns of what is actually happening inside my body. You know, sometimes you get sick traveling all the time, we can make guesses, but we don't really know. Tiny health makes it real easy. They've got advanced technology, trusting, trusted in microbiome research, we're getting science backed insights, real data. And we will tell you basically, you know, eat this, don't do [34:43] these lifestyle things and give you real answers to take charge of your health. Tiny Health is offering Hell Long Gone listeners their most aggressive offer yet, $50 off your first at-home [34:55] Trial kit at tinyhealth.com slash how long. That's tinyhealth.com slash how long for $50 off. tinyhealth.com. [35:06] slash how long. Let's test that stool. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Squarespace, the dope OG place to build a website so that all of your fans, friends, foes, aunts, uncles, and cousins can check out what you're doing on the World Wide Web. Jason, we spend all day crawling the web, and you see some sites that are shitty. They don't work that well, and you see some sites that are amazing and work great. And my guess is those are made on [35:36] And also no better place to secure that clever little dream domain. You know, everyone has that domain name where it is just perfect. It just has to be. Get clever with it, have fun with it, and easily acquire it through Squarespace. And also, even if you don't have that website ready or your idea ready, claim that URL, invest in your dream, and then, you know, just sit on it. Maybe one day you could sell it for even more money.

[36:06] to basically use an entire library of professionally designed award-winning website templates that you can then tweak and customize exactly how you want it to so people won't even know that you use that sneaky little ai oh god damn it all right so head to squarespace.com slash how long for a free trial and when you're ready to launch use offer code how long to save 10 off your first purchase of a website or domain [36:30] you [36:31] Talk to me, Chris. Talk to me. [36:36] Hitting them. Okay, I think this is one of our better ideas, and I'm sure we could get Spotify or Apple to pay for this. I just don't know why all of these games, like all of these sort of traditional game shows, it's so easy to replicate it with people that are more interesting than a family from Lafayette, Louisiana, or whatever. It just seems like, I mean, now they do celebrity, [37:01] version could be big because indie means so many things now yeah who who's who's gonna give us the money for this though any of these streamers would be would be stupid not to give it to us i mean i think this could do this could do better numbers than some of these podcasts on netflix that's for fucking sure oh yeah yeah let's see um you know i was thinking roku for this but their recent acquisitions throwing things off all that money from milani's thing is sitting around you know what i mean i'm not i'm not gonna have joyce manor on but i'll we'll get close you know what [37:31] We can get pretty close. Phoebe Bridger's first media appearance before the new album, her just crushing at Jeopardy.

[37:40] That's A-list stuff. It's low-hanging fruit. Yeah, you're out of a job doodaloo. I mean, sorry, not Jeopardy. Jeopardy is too smart. Family feud is what works because it's so dumb and low stakes. You need somebody to win with dumb luck and not knowing useless factoids. Not like, actually, I do Wordle every night in the bus. Yeah, none of that. None of that shit. I was reading something, 8-Ball, Sean. [38:10] has sort of evolved over the years and, [38:13] where like, you know, the preppy culture from the 60s and then moving into, you know, the Abercrombies and, you know, in the 80s and 90s. And now it means kind of something totally different, like kind of like hot pink Stanley mug, like basic bitch kind of thing. No, it doesn't. No, it doesn't at all. That's what basic bitch means. No, I mean, I'm saying for Gen Alpha, for like younger people, Gen A, Gen Z, you know what I mean? [38:43] So there's other words where like... [38:46] those groups are using like lore and LARP and aura and, you know, all these things. Do you think there's any Gen Z versions of those words that are actually better than the original meanings? I don't think those words, I don't, I don't think they're that far off from their original meaning. I think it's just the way what they're being applied to is different. If that makes sense. Yeah. I guess maybe not the meaning, but more so the use. I mean, I think, I don't think prep,

[39:16] is more like trad wife, Instagram girl, West Village girl. Well, that's because you're an elder millennial. I'm talking about people that are like 15. You're saying that they use the term prep to describe carrying a cup. [39:31] Like a Stanley. I've never heard that. That's why I'm asking. I've never seen that. I've seen it. No, no, no. Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying. That's exactly what I'm saying. I've never seen that. I believe it. So they'll take, or like LARPing... [39:42] You know that used to be like live action roleplay and you know where you go and you're playing like [39:48] battle swords in the park with some people who choke cats for sexual reasons or whatever so and now it means like you're you're fake you're faking something or you know you're kind of you're a poser or something like that you're larping yeah i mean i but i think it means i think it but that's what i'm trying to say it means the same thing it means the same thing but do you get annoyed when somebody says like wow that's such an important part of your lore chris or do you think like that's cool i like the way that kids are using the word i'm lucky enough to not hear that word [40:18] And I see it on... And aura is even worse. That's the one that I think has been fully adopted into popular culture. Yeah. Wearing a cool jacket means you're aura farming. Spread so thin that it means nothing. But I'm just saying, what are you talking about? There's a guy standing there on his cell phone and he looks good, so he's aura farming. I think he's just standing there and trying too hard. We used to just call that trying too hard. So is being performative... [40:45] That means you're failing at aura farming. And then when you have succeeded. I just don't think that. I just think being performative is aura farming is what I'm trying to say. I don't think there's any like trying to get. Maybe I'm wrong. Trying to get noticed for doing something normal is what it feels like.

[41:02] to me right like i i don't maybe i'm maybe i'm misunderstanding the word but it's like i see it applied to like a guy in a leather jacket in a crowd oh he's aura farming and it's like well he just picked out a jacket and wants you to think he looks hot isn't that what we all do yeah but i mean i guess you know the the aura of it is like is it intentional or is it not intentional and anytime the the you know gen a or gen z not everyone but by and large when they [41:32] Google Gemini or, you know, data sets or something like that when it really is [41:37] unexplainable and like you just can't say it like you know you just know it when you see it kind of vibe they just attach the word aura as a catch-all to just anything that can't be quantified with data i feel like we should just say swag i don't know yeah you know what i mean it's had many words and names over the years attached to whatever this feeling is but that's what i mean that's why this kind of stuff doesn't really bother me is because i'm just like i i don't really i think it's i would say it's overused more than misapplied i guess is what i would i would say [42:07] I don't think the word changes. Maybe the way it's applied is different, but the word meaning hasn't been. They haven't changed. Overused and misapplied. They don't have the power to change the meaning of a word, I would say. Well, they kind of are, you know, because once we all die and they adopt it as what that word means. I feel like that's happened over the years with many words, right? I can't think of any, but I believe it. [42:32] I just, I just, I don't think this is like, this feels like another one of those things where somebody it's taste slop. It's the same. It's like, guys, I think we might be making a little mountain out of a molehill. Like, I just don't at a certain point. I don't know if we need to shine our magnifying glass on everything for 20,000 words to discover what it means because young people are using words differently than we do. I think that's kind of how the world works.

[43:02] Now that coining terms and phrases and names like taste slop and whatever it is, people – [43:10] actively fight for and want and credit each other for coining these terms and phrases. And I'm trying to, or I guess I'm wondering what, [43:22] what they hope to get out of it? Or is that like something that you put on your resume as a young creative? Like I invented the word aura farming or whatever it is. And they're like, Oh, very like, is that going to be like a new, like impressive? [43:35] line on your cv as a creative person yeah definitely i mean that's already happened i mean that's like you know like like i invented normcore yeah emily let's do a zoom emily that invented normcore i think that really helped i mean that it is i mean that's a big word that's a thing that like i'm seeing people like fighting on social media and like citing like i was i invented the word indie sleaze well this is whatever in 2018 this is because our entire [44:05] more interested in being credited with something or thinking it was stolen. People are obsessed with saying things are stolen from them. It's like, no, you all stole it from Ralph Lauren, guys. Relax. It's crazy. It's honestly crazy. I all stole it from Isaac Mizrahi. The shit I see online where it's like somebody plays a song and they say they got ripped off. And I'm like, dude, that's like a melody that we grew up with. You know what I mean? It's literally from like a Disney theme song. They're pointing at the album cover above their head and doing the look on their face like, you hearing this?

[44:35] got ripped off. Everybody thinks everything they do is original and nothing you do is original. That includes me and nothing. It's just, that's just what it is. There's no, there's nothing left. Like, and if it is original, it's probably bad. [44:46] That's the other thing. Like, when's the last time you did anything that's that original is probably not something I want. Because it's literally like something made with AI. That's why it's, you know what I mean? It's like, what are we talking about, dude? Like, that is not, doing something good and well should be the goal. Not doing something original that sacrifices it being good. That doesn't make sense to me. There's a lot of original films that got a 17 in Ron Timaeus. I'm going to go pee really quick. Hold on, sorry. [45:16] story, but I've tried to ban the word slop from this podcast before, and I don't think it's working. I've seen some... There's a new group that is trying to... [45:29] make taste slop [45:31] tastier I guess but basically they're saying like AI is making all this awful slop so you know and it's awful and slop because it's like unnatural [45:43] You know shit that like human eyes look at and say this is wrong and false because AI made it and [45:50] But they're using AI to combat that. [45:53] How do you feel about this? Like, we're building an AI system to make AI better and, like, tastier? I mean, sure, dude. Is that possible? I mean, do whatever you got to do. I don't give a shit. I just can't believe that we're, like, the debate about this and how it's so, like, you either use it or you don't or you care or you don't or you kind of use it. I just am sort of like it's part of our life now. I don't know how much more can be hotly debated until it starts, like, interfering with something.

[46:23] You know what I'm saying? I mean, it's going to start interfering with like human... [46:27] I feel like once AI can make AI more human without [46:33] the need of humans, then there's no more [46:36] use for humans yeah yeah and i i'm sure that day will come and i can't wait to see it like do your best dorks like what it's just like yeah i'm sure it's like whatever it's like i don't like we've been hearing about self-driving cars for 20 years and they still don't really exist like i i just wonder you know what i mean it's like i wonder do i mean like no they don't no they don't they don't teslas are pretty much like as good as it gets right but you know what you know what i mean i mean like adopted adopted in a real way like of course everything exists [47:06] like there's always you know that's fine i mean like in a way where my parents to go to publix get in a car that drives them there that we are and i believe that technology exists and it just hasn't been uh deployed yet to use their terminology um yeah for a lot of people you're going to have to pry their car keys out of their cold dead hands kind of thing i just don't think so it's going to be a long rollout it's going to have to be government mandated when they're like [47:30] eventually California is like no more diesel, and then it's like no more electric only by this year, and then eventually in 2078 it's going to say you are no longer allowed to drive your car yourself. Yeah, it's just I don't think the AI thing, people are going to get really rich, and other people are going to make money debating it, and then we'll just see what happens. I can't, like, how can I concern myself with that when it's so out of my own hands?

[47:59] You know, it's like, what am I supposed to do? Because we're going to have to be, we're going to be the ones debating it for money. I mean, I don't know if we are. I think there's people that are, I think. As creators. I mean, it's either that or. [48:09] you know learn to live off the land i i think we're very far from that i'm sure kara swisher would tell me different but i think we're very far from that that's what i mean though it's like people want to listen like people want to listen to a kara swisher and scott galloway talk about that and i would that that is exactly you should hear talk about it those kind of people are so invested in what happens with that stuff um in a way that actually feels real to me well i guess i was it was more so not not talking about ai specifically and more so about like you know [48:39] for human beings being the humans that are allowed to live because you're entertaining the humans you know you're uh you're doing a subway take or you're doing a podcast or i just think that i just think the way people think about that it's just so like i have a life like i have to wake up tomorrow and do stuff so i can pay my bills like i don't give a fuck about ai in that now like i'm like i don't give a shit if you made if donald trump made him made a meme where it's him and charlie kirk in heaven with their arms around tupac like why the fuck do i care about that like i really i [49:09] Like, like I get that it's bad in many ways and I get that it's good in many ways. So what the, what do I have to offer? I just, the way people are so obsessed with it seems kind of crazy to me. [49:21] Hi, Talk House Network listeners. It's your old friend, Nels Klein from Wilco here. Wilco is touring this summer, and we'd love to see you somewhere on the road. We're playing shows this June and July in Rochester Hills, Michigan, Chautauqua, New York, Lafayette, New York, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, Vienna, Virginia, Forest Hills, New York, Portland, Maine, Tulsa, Oklahoma,

[49:51] Beach, Virginia, Wheeling, West Virginia, and Columbus, Ohio. Plus, there are even more dates, some with Willie Nelson that I didn't even mention here. So please go to wilkoworld.net to see the full list of dates. We'll see you on the road this summer. [50:06] Thinking about refreshing the carpet in your home? Now's the time to do it. For a limited time at the Home Depot, get 10% off installed carpet projects on trusted brands like LifeProof, LifeProof with PetProof Technology, Home Decorators Collection, and Traffic Master. Plus, with installation starting at just 49 cents per square foot, upgrading your space is more affordable than ever at the Home Depot. Offer valid June 11th, 2026 through June 28th, 2026. Exclusions apply for licenses. See homedepot.com slash license numbers. [50:37] you [50:38] Yeah, and I think it's very much like the, if you stop paying attention to it, it will go away. Do you think we'll ever reach a point where everyone is like you? Where, you know, not necessarily like you don't have time to look at sloppy memes and stuff like that, but more so like you have your own life, you don't, you don't care about this whatsoever. Will, will we ever get to a point where we're just so burnt down and defeated by that we just stop looking at? [51:05] everything and then will it go away? I think that's happening to some extent. I also think it's like we forget that there are people that aren't in this absolute vortex all the time. There's a lot of people. I would say the greater part of society is not doing what you and I are doing. And it's hard to remember that, that there are people that just sort of like go to their job and have two kids and have a nice normal life where they read about AI in the USA Today over

[51:35] They have no idea what the Las Culturistas awards are. Yeah. Yeah. They don't. Yeah. They're like, oh, I did see that the Las Culturistas awards, that the actual award is a doorstop, which is really fucking funny. That is good. I like that. Like a CB2 doorstop that is gold. It's really fucking funny. Like it's not like it's really, really funny. A gay clock is right twice. Is that what they say? I only saw a couple of clips. I didn't see. But there were people singing like. [52:04] I think Rachel Siegler sung an Addison Rae song and like low-key killed it. [52:10] Low-key killed it. I saw... But I don't really know who Rachel Siegler... Yeah, I don't know. She's like maybe Disney or something like that. She's very famous. She's very famous. She's famous. They sang the Pokemon song. [52:21] Which I feel like, aren't those guys a little too old to know about Pokemon? I think everybody knows about Pokemon. I mean, I know about Pokemon, but I can't sing the song. Hey, man, no, I don't know anything about Pokemon. I mean, I think we have our own version of Pokemon. Everybody has a version of that, whatever it is. I guess maybe it's just more kind of sad and disheartening that... [52:45] everyone... [52:46] you know no matter how cool or not cool or you know whatever your persona is you still reference like cartoons and stuff like that yeah that that is we're we're singing the pokemon song or like even on a more drastic example like when you know like 21 savage a rapper who's like tough guy you know face tats guns drugs women all that shit he has mentioned like spongebob or like some kind of

[53:16] like they'll talk about it or like there's that other rapper named some uh rug rat yes of course one of your favorites to me that just takes away everything like if you are trying to create a tough gangsta persona why are you an adult man [53:33] referencing because because you're on i think when you are on that many drugs cartoons is all you can handle i i think we're not thinking about that i think that pokemon is different pokemon is like a cultural phenomenon that sort of uh broke people's brains in many ways but i think that like if you're a rapper and you're you're sipping all day you're in the studio smoking weed you want to watch literally rugrats or you know family guy because it's like that this shit i don't have [54:03] you know, Apple TV show. [54:06] at the studio. You want the cartoons on because it's funny. It makes you feel like a kid. Yeah. You ain't watching the complex scenes of the pit. I mean, Spongebob also cultural icon crossover. Yeah, that's true. That's another great. The Pokemon, Spongebob, Family Guy, actually another pretty good example of a cartoon that is really crossed over. By the way, did you know that Maddie is a voice in Toy Story 5? I did. I was talking to him last night [54:36] saying all this stuff i'm on damn toy story 5 it's it's different now i don't know he plays like a like a i can't remember what it was i saw a clip from fallon i was like bro i i guess i knew this but i didn't know i think it's like a little toy wearing like a like a luchador wrestling yeah but he's shitting on he's shit i guess his character his his cartoon is shitting on the like technology toys he's he's the anti anti ipad like anarchist movement like i'm the punk rock guy who's like

[55:06] I actually think that's a pretty... Obviously, I'm not going to see Toy Story 5, but I do feel like that's a really funny premise for Toy Story 5. I think it's a great premise, and the only premise that you could really have... Oh, wait. You know what? We heard a story last night. Let's just do... We'll do this. We heard a story last night. We'll do this. A low-key, apparently low-key, baddie... [55:27] in shape [55:29] You know what I'm saying? Apple watch on the wrist. [55:34] *sniff* [55:35] What's the character's name? [55:37] It was Woody from Toy Story. All right, fellas. You go on a hinge date. [55:44] You pull up. She's looking good. You see the Apple Watch on the wrist. You're not super happy about it, but she's fit, so you know she's counting the steps. She's looking at her heart rate. She got a little woody on her. Got a little woody on her. You're willing to overlook the woody. When she turns her wrist towards you to pick up the glass of wine... [56:02] To get the night started, you see Woody's face on the watch. [56:06] You see Woody as the background on the Apple Watch. Are you... [56:10] Are you running or are you clipping? Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Does it show a sort of youthful exuberance or does it feel childlike to you? It's a real question. What this is, this is an all or nothing. This is a... [56:27] This is either we're getting married or... [56:31] I'm never going to talk to you again. It really all comes down to how that watch is being worn. If it's being worn in earnest and you are a DA, Disney adult,

[56:42] you know, then it's going to be a no for me, big dog. But if you get some fucked up tweaker ass person and they have a woody, [56:50] screen saver on their apple watch as a bit or because they think it's funny or random or whatever and it's paired with a wild outfit it is pretty funny put a rang on it is pretty funny like if you find a chick who's like bad as hell and like ironically got the woody apple watch just because it's random i don't know man that that is pretty funny i have to say if you i guess if you're if you're wearing an apple watch and you already know it's wackadoodle and then you put you [57:20] It's kind of pulls up in the wackadoodle Woody. But what's the strap? What's the what's the wristband? Do we do we know? I don't know. I don't know. I think with Apple watches and I'm not super well versed, but I feel like the best thing to do is go with the traditional classic strap. [57:37] I think when you try to get fancy with it, just wear the regular strap. Go factory mode. Yeah, just let them know, hey, look, I'm really into all this stuff. I got a nice clean woody on the dial. That's it. Everything else is plain Jane. I don't even have the little mermaid strap or anything as much as I want to. I don't have the little Minnie Mouse polka dot band or anything like that. Just keep it classy, low-key, good for the resale. [58:07] I think that's a better move. I think that's a better move. Because some of those, when you get too creative with the strap, you're trying too hard. I think if you're going to wear an Apple Watch, it should look exactly like an Apple Watch. Do you know what I mean? Don't get the bracelet that tries to make it look like a GMT. And don't get their Mez. You know, it's just too much.

[58:26] Yeah. Just keep that thing. Yeah. I like my whips, Jason. Plain Jane. [58:30] Whackadoodle. Whackadoodle Woody's when I pull up in the Jeep Wagoneer. That's what we call that. That's what we call that. Whackadoodle Woody. [58:37] is my biggest takeaway from this hour-long recording of professional audio. The amount of legs it has, that's a Wemby inseam in terms of the amount of legs that Wackadoodle, like it could be interchangeable, intergenerational, intercultural, like you could see Zach Bryan using it and Chief Keefe using it just as, you know, just as much like... [59:02] It's positively... [59:05] overflowing [59:07] With aura. That's actually... Yeah, thank you. I'm glad. Sorry I was aura farming on today's episode. The lore around those two words... [59:15] is so LARP. [59:19] All right. Jason's got to go to the airport. Thanks to our Burberry family for having us last night over at the Corner Bistro. You know, saw some friends. Yeah, I had my first Bistro slider pretty good. Matty Matheson, when I was chatting with him, he was like, you know, it's J.G. Mellon vibes. And it was J.G. Mellon vibes all up in there. Of course, the burger not as good as J.G. Mellon because nothing else is. But yeah, it was cool. Cool fun. [59:45] to England. It's coming home. Full two. It's coming home. It's coming home. What match are you watching today? Is it South Africa? Hopefully I never see another one again is the goal. Well, Canada and Qatar. Oh, okay. 6 p.m. I got to change my plan. I'm going to see Rossum at Webster Hall tonight. I got a big weekend. I'm a little tired, man. I think I was under socialized after that week.

[1:00:12] in the Hamptons with my in-laws, and then I came back and really hit the pedal to the metal. I should have eased in a little bit. You over-socialized, and then the week of June 22nd, Chris... [1:00:24] That's where we level out. It's not looking great for me, but you know what? We'll figure it out. You got to get through. I mean, yeah. I mean, Father's Day is on the 21st. Coming off the heels of Juneteenth. It's going to be nice, Chris. We'll see. We'll see. Federal holidays. All right. Thank you for listening. Howlonggone.com. We're back with more podcasts next week. We'll see you then. [1:00:54] I just want you to come inside, but never enter with the back. [1:01:03] Legally, we can't say drinking Storm makes you smarter and more focused. But with zero sugar, 200 milligrams of caffeine and immunity support, you're smarter and more focused for drinking Storm. Storm. Good energy in, good energy out. Energy for life.